My World Mandate

 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28: 18-20

We decided a while back that we would be going to World Mandate this year.  We were going to be attending our church's discipleship training school.  That is on a pause this year, but we never really second-guessed going to Mandate even though we didn't purchase tickets until after we were aware of the pause for training school.  

So we left Emilynn with the great Obaa and Ojii and headed to Waco with Averly.  They last time we went to Mandate was two years ago and Emilynn was Averly's exact same age.  I remember very, very little about that Mandate.  I did not hear one complete person speak and I'm pretty sure the worship I sang was in some kind of new mom fog.  I remember I bought the t-shirts. That's pretty much all I got from that year.  

Considering that we were doing the same thing just with a different child, I really didn't know what to expect.  Though, like most things with the second child, you reason with yourself, you calm yourself down, you take deep breaths and you just do it.  And for whatever reason, either the fact that the temperaments of your children (and yourself) are completely different or because your attitude has changed completely, it always seems to go better. 

Thankfully, it did go better this time. I took it all in.  I worshipped my heart out.  I heard the Lord. Now we are back on Saturday night before the last Saturday session.  Because with kids, you pick and choose and after a 10:15pm bedtime at the Motel 6 with your 6 month old who woke up at 6:30pm and has only had 2 45 minute naps all day, you choose the kid over any more time of worship or preaching. 

But Mandate was huge for me this year.  First thing during worship last night the Lord asked me, "What is your world mandate, Ashley?  Do you know what I want it to be for you, right now?" (Cause at the depths of my heart, I always want the Lord to call us to Japan and I secretly pray every year that He magically puts that on Ross' heart, too.) 

And as I worshipped watching all of the young college kids who were desperately wanting to GO with my very happy baby and her deep brown eyes and smiles and my husband by my side, the Lord clearly spoke.  

"Right now, the girls are your world mandate.  Your girls are your audience for the Great Commission.  If you teach the Kingdom, they will be the Kingdom.  They will change the world and I will do more in them than you can imagine!"  

YES, LORD!  I will teach it!

And as the weekend has gone on and as I have thought of the nations that need Jesus and all the young men and women that need freedom from sex trafficking, I am reminded that I can teach my girls RIGHT NOW how to change the world.  I can teach them intercession.  I can teach them how to pray for all the missionaries in all the nations we support.  I can teach them to obey and follow Jesus and that he is the ONLY TRUE GOD.  I can equip them and their hearts for the incredible, unimagninable things that their generation will war against.  I can teach them that Jesus is enough and that He in them for the glory of Himself by his grace has conquered and defeated all evil.  I can teach them how to stand in the gap and believe.  I can help them to become the world changers that the world desperately needs.  

Next year or tomorrow, the Lord could change His mandate to me.  But this weekend, He clearly spoke to me who my most important audience is right now.  And He gave me vision for His Kingdom coming through my obedience to His mandate.  And I left with the same heavy, excited, overwhelmed, and needy heart that I would have if He had asked up to pack up and leave it all for an unknown land.  

Because the hearts of my children are uncharted territory, an unreached people group that desperately needs Him.  

I can imagine

"I can't imagine..."

These words often come out of my mouth these days...

Fill in the blanks - my kiddo getting cancer (or any other crazy illness I see everyday) - dying before my children - getting so angry at my child that I hurt them - forgetting to pick my child up from school - my husband ever leaving me - my best friend's husband ever leaving her - my parents dying soon - our church splitting - my house catching on fire - a tornado destroying our home - being estranged from my family - my husband dying before me - ever marrying another man - my child not sleeping through the night as a toddler - living on the streets - not knowing where my next meal will come from - having so much money that I could never spend it all and spend all my time trying - my child being a drug addict - my kids not knowing and serving Jesus - being Job.

Supposedly I CANNOT imagine it.

These words need to be dropped out of my train of thought - banished from my phrases.  It's such a cliche' - and one that honestly makes me feel better in the moment. Sort of.

Pretty much I use this phrase to describe anything that I have judged as unbelievable or makes me so incredibly uncomfortable in my flesh that I would like to believe that it is unimaginable for me.

These things have all been deemed "the-end-of-the-world" for me.  (Yes, as a naturally dramatic person, the end of the world is so incredibly overwhelming that at times you burst into tears just thinking about the possiblity of these things and forget to breathe.)

This is me. Raw.

And I find myself sickened at my sin.

These unimaginable things for me are some people's reality.  Some people have chosen their reality, some people are only a part-player in their reality and others have had no choice in their reality but it is what it is - reality.

(Side note: I hate the phrase: it is what is is.  I believe that everything has holy potential even if it can't be changed.  And I believe that being affected by something that you can't change is also a reality.  Just because it is doesn't mean that it doesn't bring you to your knees every day over and over.)

I was talking to a mom the other day in the hospital.  It was a simple conversation in the midst of a tough procedure for her littlest man.  It was their second hospitalization and he was sooo ready to be at home and so DONE with our tape-removing skills.  This mom is a woman who I could be great friends with and her husband and Ross would just LOVE each other.  I sat on this bed talking to this mom about how she allows bubbles to be blown in her house now cause that is just one more thing she doesn't care about anymore in the shadows of their new and heartbreaking reality.  And I thought, sitting on the bed, "I can't imagine..."

Except, actually, I can.  And that is what scares me and makes me utter the words every time.  I can imagine.  And I hate it.

I was on the phone the other day with a dear sister and her son, who is my age, is struggling with drug addiction.  I sat on the phone and as much as I don't ever want her reality, tears stream down my face because I CAN imagine.  And I hate it.

I got a letter that I had written to myself in college the other day.  It was an amazing letter but it brought me to my knees.  I wondered to myself if I would live to see my girls get married and have kids.  What if I didn't make it.  I can imagine not making it.  And I hate it.

My two-year old broke her arm the other day.  And before that day, my kid breaking a bone was an unimaginable thing to me (pridefully and because I have never broken a bone.)  Silly, I know.  I now can imagine. And I still hate it.

I had a miscarriage very early on in a pregnancy before Emilynn was conceived.  I have had friend after friend experience this unimaginable.  And every pregnancy since, I think, I can't imagine losing this baby, saying goodbye to this baby either in my womb or outside, or too early, or, or, or...  But I can very much imagine and I hate it.

And everyday the brokenness in me reminds me that the unimaginable is reality.  I do, say, and am the unimaginable at times.

There are the unimaginable things that are close to home because you can literally put yourself in their shoes because their life looks just like yours.  And then their are unimaginable that you can't put yourself in their shoes because you have no frame work.  But what I've realized with the Lord, is that in His grace, He gives you opportunities to see more, experience more of the unimaginable so that you CAN imagine.

And in your imagining, you can become His hands and feet.  Cause that is what Jesus is all about.  He has always been able to imagine.  He has always been able to put himself in someone else's shoes.  He took the Cross and He made it His.

If you receive yourself in the fires of your sorrow, he will make you nourishment for other people. - Oswald Chambers 

What if we receive ourselves in the fire of others sorrow?

I CAN imagine and my flesh hates it.  And the Spirit, He is using it.  The raw places. 

 He is making me nourishment to others by receiving myself in their sorrows.