My World Mandate

 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28: 18-20

We decided a while back that we would be going to World Mandate this year.  We were going to be attending our church's discipleship training school.  That is on a pause this year, but we never really second-guessed going to Mandate even though we didn't purchase tickets until after we were aware of the pause for training school.  

So we left Emilynn with the great Obaa and Ojii and headed to Waco with Averly.  They last time we went to Mandate was two years ago and Emilynn was Averly's exact same age.  I remember very, very little about that Mandate.  I did not hear one complete person speak and I'm pretty sure the worship I sang was in some kind of new mom fog.  I remember I bought the t-shirts. That's pretty much all I got from that year.  

Considering that we were doing the same thing just with a different child, I really didn't know what to expect.  Though, like most things with the second child, you reason with yourself, you calm yourself down, you take deep breaths and you just do it.  And for whatever reason, either the fact that the temperaments of your children (and yourself) are completely different or because your attitude has changed completely, it always seems to go better. 

Thankfully, it did go better this time. I took it all in.  I worshipped my heart out.  I heard the Lord. Now we are back on Saturday night before the last Saturday session.  Because with kids, you pick and choose and after a 10:15pm bedtime at the Motel 6 with your 6 month old who woke up at 6:30pm and has only had 2 45 minute naps all day, you choose the kid over any more time of worship or preaching. 

But Mandate was huge for me this year.  First thing during worship last night the Lord asked me, "What is your world mandate, Ashley?  Do you know what I want it to be for you, right now?" (Cause at the depths of my heart, I always want the Lord to call us to Japan and I secretly pray every year that He magically puts that on Ross' heart, too.) 

And as I worshipped watching all of the young college kids who were desperately wanting to GO with my very happy baby and her deep brown eyes and smiles and my husband by my side, the Lord clearly spoke.  

"Right now, the girls are your world mandate.  Your girls are your audience for the Great Commission.  If you teach the Kingdom, they will be the Kingdom.  They will change the world and I will do more in them than you can imagine!"  

YES, LORD!  I will teach it!

And as the weekend has gone on and as I have thought of the nations that need Jesus and all the young men and women that need freedom from sex trafficking, I am reminded that I can teach my girls RIGHT NOW how to change the world.  I can teach them intercession.  I can teach them how to pray for all the missionaries in all the nations we support.  I can teach them to obey and follow Jesus and that he is the ONLY TRUE GOD.  I can equip them and their hearts for the incredible, unimagninable things that their generation will war against.  I can teach them that Jesus is enough and that He in them for the glory of Himself by his grace has conquered and defeated all evil.  I can teach them how to stand in the gap and believe.  I can help them to become the world changers that the world desperately needs.  

Next year or tomorrow, the Lord could change His mandate to me.  But this weekend, He clearly spoke to me who my most important audience is right now.  And He gave me vision for His Kingdom coming through my obedience to His mandate.  And I left with the same heavy, excited, overwhelmed, and needy heart that I would have if He had asked up to pack up and leave it all for an unknown land.  

Because the hearts of my children are uncharted territory, an unreached people group that desperately needs Him.  

I can imagine

"I can't imagine..."

These words often come out of my mouth these days...

Fill in the blanks - my kiddo getting cancer (or any other crazy illness I see everyday) - dying before my children - getting so angry at my child that I hurt them - forgetting to pick my child up from school - my husband ever leaving me - my best friend's husband ever leaving her - my parents dying soon - our church splitting - my house catching on fire - a tornado destroying our home - being estranged from my family - my husband dying before me - ever marrying another man - my child not sleeping through the night as a toddler - living on the streets - not knowing where my next meal will come from - having so much money that I could never spend it all and spend all my time trying - my child being a drug addict - my kids not knowing and serving Jesus - being Job.

Supposedly I CANNOT imagine it.

These words need to be dropped out of my train of thought - banished from my phrases.  It's such a cliche' - and one that honestly makes me feel better in the moment. Sort of.

Pretty much I use this phrase to describe anything that I have judged as unbelievable or makes me so incredibly uncomfortable in my flesh that I would like to believe that it is unimaginable for me.

These things have all been deemed "the-end-of-the-world" for me.  (Yes, as a naturally dramatic person, the end of the world is so incredibly overwhelming that at times you burst into tears just thinking about the possiblity of these things and forget to breathe.)

This is me. Raw.

And I find myself sickened at my sin.

These unimaginable things for me are some people's reality.  Some people have chosen their reality, some people are only a part-player in their reality and others have had no choice in their reality but it is what it is - reality.

(Side note: I hate the phrase: it is what is is.  I believe that everything has holy potential even if it can't be changed.  And I believe that being affected by something that you can't change is also a reality.  Just because it is doesn't mean that it doesn't bring you to your knees every day over and over.)

I was talking to a mom the other day in the hospital.  It was a simple conversation in the midst of a tough procedure for her littlest man.  It was their second hospitalization and he was sooo ready to be at home and so DONE with our tape-removing skills.  This mom is a woman who I could be great friends with and her husband and Ross would just LOVE each other.  I sat on this bed talking to this mom about how she allows bubbles to be blown in her house now cause that is just one more thing she doesn't care about anymore in the shadows of their new and heartbreaking reality.  And I thought, sitting on the bed, "I can't imagine..."

Except, actually, I can.  And that is what scares me and makes me utter the words every time.  I can imagine.  And I hate it.

I was on the phone the other day with a dear sister and her son, who is my age, is struggling with drug addiction.  I sat on the phone and as much as I don't ever want her reality, tears stream down my face because I CAN imagine.  And I hate it.

I got a letter that I had written to myself in college the other day.  It was an amazing letter but it brought me to my knees.  I wondered to myself if I would live to see my girls get married and have kids.  What if I didn't make it.  I can imagine not making it.  And I hate it.

My two-year old broke her arm the other day.  And before that day, my kid breaking a bone was an unimaginable thing to me (pridefully and because I have never broken a bone.)  Silly, I know.  I now can imagine. And I still hate it.

I had a miscarriage very early on in a pregnancy before Emilynn was conceived.  I have had friend after friend experience this unimaginable.  And every pregnancy since, I think, I can't imagine losing this baby, saying goodbye to this baby either in my womb or outside, or too early, or, or, or...  But I can very much imagine and I hate it.

And everyday the brokenness in me reminds me that the unimaginable is reality.  I do, say, and am the unimaginable at times.

There are the unimaginable things that are close to home because you can literally put yourself in their shoes because their life looks just like yours.  And then their are unimaginable that you can't put yourself in their shoes because you have no frame work.  But what I've realized with the Lord, is that in His grace, He gives you opportunities to see more, experience more of the unimaginable so that you CAN imagine.

And in your imagining, you can become His hands and feet.  Cause that is what Jesus is all about.  He has always been able to imagine.  He has always been able to put himself in someone else's shoes.  He took the Cross and He made it His.

If you receive yourself in the fires of your sorrow, he will make you nourishment for other people. - Oswald Chambers 

What if we receive ourselves in the fire of others sorrow?

I CAN imagine and my flesh hates it.  And the Spirit, He is using it.  The raw places. 

 He is making me nourishment to others by receiving myself in their sorrows. 

And then there is Jesus

I would love for this to be a well-organized blog post, but unfortunately time does not allow for me to get all of these thoughts organized and written down.  I may just get them blurted out. 

Jesus.

This is what everything is really all about.  His life, his glory, his love, HIM.  And yet, even as I write this, I would love to be in his presence more and yet I choose to write this instead of practicing the actual art of sitting in His presence, at His feet, and allowing HIM to reign my day. 

I've been reading Ecclesiastes and listening to Matt Chandler's sermon series on the book (two sermons in).  Meaningless.  Yes, listening to this and writing this blog, having kids, playing with my kids today and buying my husband a birthday gift.  All meaningless.  Really??

I'm so confused.  Isn't there a righteous, holy way to do this life that makes all the things we do everyday NOT meaningless, but for Jesus? 

Not without Jesus.  Not without knowing Him and letting Him live His life in you.

There can't be NOTHING to what I am doing every day.  The laundry, the discipline, the play time, the time with friends, the celebrations.  Turns out Solomon wasn't doing laundry and play-time, and he celebrated like a crazy, blissful, self-indulging man and it was meaningless.  This debauchery as meaningless makes sense to me, but playtime and laundry.  All the mom blogs in the world tell me that this is holy. 

It is holy...with Jesus reigning it.

"...He has set eternity in their hearts..."

Yes, He has set eternity in my heart.  I can feel it.  Everytime jealousy and judgement, pain and temptation, frustration and angst well up in me, I am reminded that I want more than that...that at the core of who I am, I believe that Jesus is better than anything I've ever tasted, seen, experienced.  He is better than childbirth, organic shampoo, the best meal I've ever had, the best cup of coffee drank with the best book I've ever read in hand, the best mountain and lake view I can imagine, the laughter of two little girls in the back seat. 

He is better. 

And yet because the Spirit of the LIVING God is good and so much kinder than we can imagine, He lets me into holiness while I enjoy a cup of coffee.  He shows me purity in my girls' laughter.  He draws me into Him and shows me His unfailing love as my Daddy during childbirth. 

The Spirit allows us to meet Him HERE AND NOW. 

 But only by the Spirit is that even possible.  To make the most meaningless things so incredibly meaningful. 

Matt Chandler said something similar to this in talking about life without Christ:
Here is the Truth...you will miss the fullness of it {the good things in life}...you will miss the joy of UNDERSTANDING the provision of God over your life.  There is a joy that makes that{the experiences here and now} richer.

I spend a lot of time in contemplation these days.  Who knows?  Maybe it's the hormones of having children or the lack of sleep that takes me to my knees.   But I am raw. 

I look around and see all that is happening.  The good things, the hard things, the wrong things, the tragic things, the beautiful things, the lovely things, the yummy things.  And I am undone.

Our God gave us all of this and then said ~ enjoy it and experience it...but not without Me.  I make it everything it is.  I set eternity in the hears of man and make things beautiful.  I do that! ~

It is all very meaningless...ridiculous.  And then there is Jesus. 

And I want my meaningless without Him to become everything in Him, for Him because of Him pointing solely to Him and His Kingdom.

Spirit...I want that joy and understanding...the rich, deep wells of life IN JESUS.                                                                                                                        

Raising Girls



Well, it's been a long time since I've posted...and our girls are growing!  Averly is 3 1/2 months old and Emilynn is 27 months old. 

 

 

3 months

 

Averly is a fantastic baby.  She is very curious and studies everything she sees.  It's always so fun to watch her as her eyebrows wrinkle and she gives "the look."  We do get these cheesy smiles out of her too and more and more each day.  She loves to watch Emilynn do anything.  She started rolling over a little over a week ago.  She has rolled both ways but tends not to roll off of her stomach.  She would rather fuss and get us to roll her back over. :)  I'm looking forward to seeing how much she weighs.  She was 12 lbs 9 oz at her 2 months appt.  She's going through her sister's hand-me-downs very quickly!  She is a fabulous sleeper.  We are working on naps during the day and she is starting to get the hang of it.  She loves her giraffe wubanub pacifier and really enjoys baths.  She and her sister will be having many conversations in the backseat, cause these girls can talk!  Ave coos and clucks all day.  Loving getting to know this precious one. 

2 months

1 month

 

Averly

Emilynn

Averly

 



Emilynn

 Some comparisons above.  Both girls are looking at the star that lights up on the activity mat...always produces smiles. :)

 Sisters.  I am learning about this and will continue to forever since I do not have siblings.  What a beautiful relationship this will be.  Emilynn loves Averly so very well and really has since the beginning.

27 months

Emilynn Claire...where do I start.  This girl moves and talks non-stop.  As exhausting as it is at times, it is quite spectacular that this girl can keep up with herself.  Her memory blows me away...I ask her often where my keys, sunglasses and such are..and she always knows! :)  Even when she didn't play with them.  Like I've already said, she loves Averly so well.  She has become so much more nuturing since Averly was born.  Just this week, she began nursing her baby and putting her to bed like I do Ave.  She always checks on Averly and wants to know where "Baby Ave Kate" is.  Emilynn picks up new words almost hourly.  We are very careful what comes out of our mouths these days...  Her sentences are getting better every day.  And she is finally beginning to talk in 1st person as opposed to 3rd.  It's been in the last week that "I" has been introduced.  She loves a lot of things...books, Little People ("babies"), WATER anything, iPad :), Curious George and Super Why PBS shows, her bed, backpack and cars, music ("Emi's music" = Hillsong Live), her soccer ball, her Obaa and Ojii, and the list goes on.  My particular favorite is as we drive through town and the construction, I often hear from the backset, "Emi like dirt, Momma." "Really?" "Yes, Emi likes dirt Momma." :)  Her favorite song is our version of "Jesus loves Emi and Ave" which Emilynn sings often.  She is recognizing Jesus in books and loves for us to read stories to her.  Church is at the top of the list of favorites where she loves to see her "fiends".  God is good in this girl.  Love her so!  Her passion reminds me of someone I know! :)

Raising Girls...there is nothing quite like it. 

Averly Kathryn

Many attempts at family pic...this is the best we got :)

A picture of Emilynn a couple of days old.  There are similarities and differences.  LOVE!

Averly Kathryn finally arrived at 4:12 am on February 28th.  It was a crazy last couple of hours.  After having prodromal labor for 7 days that began about 3:30am every morning and stalled out, on Wednesday, I woke up to a little more intensity and hope that things would progress.  We went to the midwives that afternoon around 3pm only to have them send me home at 5cm, fully effaced, and tell me to have a glass of wine, take a bath and not go to work.  I did not go to work for the first night.  I planned to relax, but about 5:00pm, on our way to dinner at LaMadeleine's, contractions got super intense and took my breath away.  I made it through dinner, but we headed to straight to the hospital from there.  Once I got there, they weren't convinced they were going to keep me.  At 8:30pm they gave me an hour and told me that if I didn't progress and have consistent contractions, they would send me home again...Are you kidding me!?!  Thanks to my doula, Rachel and my hubby, we walked and an hour later, and MANY intense contractions and prayers later, I was a 7cm.  Yay!  I labored til about midnight and decided to get in the water.  I labored in the water for 2 hours at a 9cm with no water breakage.  The midwife finally checked me around 2 am and the checking broke my water.  However, my sweet pea would not come out.  I pushed and pushed for 2 hours believing that there was NO BABY in my body...  I was extremely tired because I had been up since 3:30am (24 hours) Wedensday morning.  I pushed on my hands and knees most of the time and then the midwife decided I needed to get on my back.  Once I got on my back, I pushed for 30 minutes and was able to push our new precious baby GIRL out.  She came out on the side of her head and body and had the cord wrapped around her several times.  To God be the glory, that NEVER compromised her heartbeat or breathing throughout the labor and delivery!!!  She had a huge bruise on her head and was 2 lbs heavier than Emilynn.  So positioning and size were probably the largest factors of pushing so long.  It was a HARD delivery, but also beautiful.  We are so glad to have her!!!

My LOVEBUG

Emilynn's birthday is the day after Averly's and we celebrated the day we came home from the hospital.  It was a long night and a little foggy for me, but totally worth it.  My mom and dad made it possible...Obaa made a ladybug cake and cooked dinner for us to come home to.  It was special to celebrate Emi again.  Then I took her outside and got some shots in her ladybug dress.  So big!

 

First family of four pic

Seriously?  Gonna have my hands full clearly

A 2 year old Ladybug

We celebrated Emilynn's birthday a month early this year in anticipation of Baby P #2 coming.  We had the party at the church which was awesome!  And we kept it simple...a little food, a little craft, and a bounce house compliments of Bruces!  Thank you to the Bruces for the highlight of the party.  Such a fun time with sweet friends and family.  

 

Bounce house fun

Lady bug crackers

Emi LOVES this thing

Loves to slide this way these days

Ladybugs on a log

Ladybug apples

Cupcakes!

Amelia the Lovebug

More cupcakes!

Lily the Lovebug

Mommy and Emi

Blew out her candle all by herself!

Family

This was my favorite part...I loved watching all of Emi's "fends" help her open gifts...brings tears to my eyes, the beautiful community that we live in