Last night we were at a Trunk or Treat at Emilynn's school. We had been waiting in line a long time with a 1 and 3 year old. After finally getting to a few cars, my dad suggested that we get out of line and go to the other side where there weren't many people. A little anxiousness rose up in me, and kind of does even thinking about it now. "We are not supposed to do that" is what I hear in my head every time.
Many years ago, before kids, a good friend of mine casually said in a conversation at a girls night that I was a rule follower. I was totally caught off guard. I remember coming home and asking Ross if I was indeed a rule follower. I honestly don't remember his response. I was fairly offended.
As it turns out, I am a rule follower. It is my nature to want and desire a rule. I can function so much better if there is a rule laid out for me. What are the expectations and how am I going to meet them? Without a rule, I'm a little lost. Now, I don't always love the rule and I will even question it if needed...but even in questioning, arguing, passionately coming up against it, I will follow it. Honestly, I believe that there is a place for rules and guidelines. (Of course, a rule follower would say that.)
When I became a mom, my whole "supposed to" thought process got turned upside down. Completely. There are NO supposed tos in parenthood. There are things we know are better and more life-giving, but they all get shot at some point in parenthood. This is where my rule following first got challenged to my core. There is no rule for the three year old that is screaming at you in the middle of Central Market. Now, I'm sure that there are a lot of suggestions, and please know that I probably tried them all. The only one that I didn't try is my husband's which is leave the grocery store. What he doesn't understand is that once we are actually in the grocery store, I'm committed. There is no leaving. It was too hard getting in there in the first place. But now you see my stubborness too. Breaking that suggestion...not leaving. Here's the deal with suggestions, not rules. They are just that...they are not hard and fast, and more often than not, they don't work on your kid. I digress. I say this all to say that kids began the ruining of me for rule following. But parenthood has also led me into they most incredible season of my life.
I'm learning to follow Jesus.
And honestly there are not many rules when it comes to following Jesus. Honestly there aren't. The old Testament is chalked full of rules. And many of them are very helpful. The Ten Commandments are super helpful. They give us at least a small picture of the heart of God. But they are just that A VERY VERY SMALL PICTURE. When Jesus came to earth as a person, he killed the rules. He demanded relationship with Him for us to even have a clue what He desired from us. The will of God is not going to look the same for all of us. The command of Jesus is for all of us. Go and make disciples. There are some things that I think are hard and fast about the character of Jesus. And since we are being sanctified to look more like Christ, then it is pertinent for all of us to follow in the footsteps of Christ's character. But all the "supposed tos" that we put on other humans, they really do nothing but rob from the Holy Spirit and His work of speaking to each of His kids.
I know that you have heard me talk about obedience a lot this year. I am learning to hear the voice of God and walk in it. And sometimes, my obedience...the expectation that God puts on me, may not be the expectation you think He should have. We might look at each other following Jesus and think the other person is crazy. Okay. As long as you are following Jesus, you heard His voice and obeyed it, go and be crazy.
My friend Ami wrote this blog post last week. It got me thinking about all of this.
http://thebeautifuljourneyhome.blogspot.com/2014/10/why-i-stopped-being-christian-in-21st.html
I like my rules and my guidelines, and probably this side of Heaven I will always want them. But since Heaven is breaking in and I am called to follow Jesus, I will hold mine and yours very loosely.
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