It's funny...my background is in development. Lately I've had a lot of moms comment to me how they don't want their kids to grow up or they want time to slow down or even stop. My development background has had me thinking for this last year how much I want to see Emilynn grow up, develop normally, hit milestones, etc. But finally this week, it has hit me. I haven't wanted time to stop or even really slow, because my heartbeat is has always been for story and stories move and grow and develop and change. But the heaviness that comes with children growing up has hit me. I was making Emilynn's one year movie (which hopefully I will post later this week), and as I look through the pictures and watch the changes, I had a weight on my heart. I desperately want this little one to KNOW Jesus. I want her to walk closely with our Savior...to fall hard in love with Him. It was heavy thinking about the coming years, the training, the discipline, the risk that comes with raising kids and praying for them to become saints. It's heavy...and in those moments, time slowing would be good...because I still have SOOOO much to learn. The Lord has reminded me often of the process...the story...it's good. Emilynn will have a process, she will have a testimony. I pray that it is wrapped in the knowledge of a Savior from birth, with experiences that were Kingdom filled, with an understanding of her purpose and the love the Lord has for her.
So the stakes are high. I have had one year pass by with this precious little girl and supposedly the next 17 will go by so very fast. I have a God that is waiting for me to fully trust Him with this precious heart...with her belief in Him...with her salvation. I pray that I spend each day, week, year tending the soil of her heart so that she will be ready for the Spirit of God to fall on her. I pray each night that Emilynn would hear the voice of Jesus in her dreams and that His voice be so familiar to her as she grows...that she would be His sheep, know His voice and follow Him. May this be so, Lord. May I never stop praying this prayer.
This year has also been a year of growth for me. Motherhood has changed me. I am not sure of all the ways yet...but I have had realizations all along the way. At the end of it all, I think I can plainly say that I love people better. I try to put myself in others shoes as much as possible, and I am often reminded of the only thing that works for everyone (every momma, especially) is Jesus. I desire for our parenting, our discipline, our love, our home to be all for, completely about JESUS...nothing more, nothing less.
I've been reading the book Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson. I really appreciated this quote...because I believe it applies to much more than discipline. He states, "In our efforts to find a universal formula for effective and efficient discipline, we parents can convince ourselves that, if an expert's approach is right for us, then it must be right for everybody. At that point we being to create a body of "Christian Law." Just like the Pharisees, who started out with good intentions about wanting to keep God's law, we soon find oursleves trying to live up to a standart that God did not define and, worse, insisting that others live up to it too, judging their parenting standards by our own. That - trying to right by keeping all the rules - of course, is legalism." I think that applies to much more than parenting. I think it applies to our walks with God too. There is not any other universal formula other than Jesus. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. That has become even more simple and true for me this year as a mom. May you, Spirit, guide in this Truth!
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